Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull

Malcolm Turnbull, good evening. It is a good evening. An enchanted evening (starts to sing) Some enchanted eve- Prime Minister, please. Sorry, got carried away again there! Haha. You have to see my Nanky Poo, Bryan, it’s so good. Absolute showstopper. I want to ask you some questions. Of course you do. First of all, […]

Pierce Telgrip, NRA Spokesman

Good evening. Good evening. And what’s your name? Pierce. And what’s your last name, Pierce? Telgrip. Pierce Telgrip, and who do you work for? I’m a spokesman for the NRA And what does that stand for? Money, I think you’ll find. Pierce, how do you think – -Buy more guns. What? Oh sorry. *makes a […]

Children of the Valuation

John is inexplicably wearing sunglasses indoors again. Now listen, Malcolm. What? You’ve got a lot of explaining to do. What did I do? I was only gone five minutes, and I come back and you and Barnaby are trying to kill each other! Well he started it. I don’t care who started it. You’re the […]

A Metaphor Is Employed

John is in front of imagery of some sort of snow- or ice-based sporting event John, can you hear me? Yes I can hear you Brian! Thank you, yes. How’re things going, in these late stages? Well, I think you and our viewers are of course aware that there has been some controversy here of […]

Just the Facts

Prime Minister, thanks for your time. A pleasure to be here. Absolute pleasure. Prime Minister, this week you took extraordinary steps – – well, I wouldn’t go that far, although I did consider being a dancer at one point. Sorry, I wasn’t finished. I did an amazing Black Swan, Brian. What I mean is you […]

A Private Matter

Barnaby Joyce, thank you for joining us. Of course. Deputy Prime Minister, can I begin with – NowI just want to say, before we begin, that I’m not going to talk about private matters. No. Private matters, pertaining to private things and private lives and private parts – those things should remain private. Leave them […]

A Lot of Zeroes

Good evening. And our contestant tonight is Malcolm Turnbull. Hello. Good evening. And your special subject tonight is Defence Spending. Is it? Defence spending? Ha. Goodo. (John seems nervous) Malcolm Turnbull, how much money did your government give to the weapons manufacturing industry last week, in billions of dollars? (there is a pause) Hmmm. How […]